Jayce’s Diary: SECRETS
SECRETS
Audio
It just figures that I would have the dream again last night. Winding me up for what was going to happen today. Pretty much the same as all the other times except that this time I didn’t wake up when the guy turned away.
I grabbed him by the collar, spun him around and looked him dead in the eyes to let him know I meant business. I said: Who the hell are you and why should I believe you know anything about me? My guess is you’re some crackpot who’s off his meds.
He squared off with me and stared me down. If looks could kill I would have been road kill at that moment. But he was calm when he spoke. You think you can control it but you can’t. If there’s one person who would know that, it would be me, wouldn’t you think?
The damn telephone woke me up before I could get anymore out of him. It bloody well has to be someone I know. My mind couldn’t manufacture a dream that cuts so close to the truth unless it had something real to work with. I just can’t place the face.
I wasn’t in the mood to find out that Kat was keeping me out of the loop. But I wasn’t all that surprised. I knew she was hiding something from me sure as God made little green apples. I’ll bet my right arm this is just the tip of the iceberg. You don’t have that guilty-as-sin look on your face unless there’s something even bigger you’re sitting on.
The last thing I needed today was Lane getting in my face. There was a moment when we locked eyes where I thought: This is it. I’m going to unload on this guy. All hell is going to break loose. Thank God he backed down when he did.
The kicker was finding that photograph of Kat. I never thought I would see that kind of expression on her face. A year ago, six months ago even, it wouldn’t have been there. How can it have changed that much so fast without me knowing? If she’s learned to hide her feelings that well, what other secrets is she sitting on?
The worst thing is that I lost it for a minute this morning which just shows how little it takes. I can keep a lid on it as long as I see what’s coming. But when she ambushes me like that all bet’s are off.
What is it that I keep missing? The big secret about life – how you make it bend to your will – that everybody but me seems to know. I’m tired of being the only one who doesn’t get it.