UNTIL THE DEEP WATER STILLS

MOON-GAZING

Audio

This is about the only time I feel safe anymore. In the middle of the night when it’s dead quiet and I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder to see what is coming at me. Just me and the man on the moon.

What a day. I feel like I aged five years. Should have known something was up by the way Kat shadowboxed with me this morning. I must be losing my edge. How in the hell did she get that photograph of me? She had to be standing right over me so close I could feel her breath on my face. There’s something sinister about that image.

I came dangerously close tonight. But it’s not the first time and it damn sure won’t be the last. The point is I got it under control before it was too late.

Buy why me? Why was I born with this monkey on my back? All I ever wanted was to be normal. Just another face in the crowd with a quiet little corner of the world to make my own.

I guess I’ll always have a midnight man. He was gone for awhile but three nights ago he came back. There was the techno music again. Then I was barreling down the street hell bent for somewhere. I ran until I was completely winded.

When I turned around the midnight man was there as if I hadn’t gotten anywhere. He shook his head and said: Don’t you know? You can’t run from it. Finally it registered who he was. It was the kid from high school that I beat the living hell out of.

I didn’t even think. I threw a right that decked him. He went down hard and I thought: Shit, I killed him. But the moment he hit the ground he turned into someone else. I jumped on him and started hammering on him. I honestly thought: It’s him or me.

It’s not hard to figure out. He’s telling me it’s going to happen again. But it won’t. I’m stronger now. I have a live to fight for. So good riddance, midnight man. I don’t need you anymore.

The bedroom light is still on so I can’t go up yet. I have to give Kat time to do the math on today and realize she still loves me. If I play this right I’ll come out ahead. She’ll see that I’m not going to let go. That’s what this is all about – pushing me to the edge to see if I’ll crack. She doesn’t really want a divorce. She wants me to show her how strong I can be.

There’s the moon rising out of the clouds. I’ll be doing a lot of moon-gazing tonight. No chance in hell I’m going to sleep. I’ve got too many hatches to lock down before morning.