UNTIL THE DEEP WATER STILLS

WILLOWS

 

It’s a waiting game. I’m sitting here in the backyard waiting for Jayce to get home so I can tell him that his life is going to change forever starting today. And to give him one more chance to do the right thing before I let go of the swing.

 

Willows come to mind today because that’s what Jayce was when I first met him. Stable, solid and safe but with a gentle side too like a willow tree that bends in the wind, gives a little but never breaks.

 

I realized today that he can’t stop me. He’s not as strong as I thought he was. He’s just hanging on for dear life trying to hide that he has gone hollow inside. Somewhere along the way the tide shifted and left him without any power. He knows it but he won’t admit it.

The willows fit for Nicholas too. He can bend and twist himself into any shape I choose and then transform back to himself when the wind of my whim is satisfied. He’s altogether different from Jayce but strong in his own, unique way.

 

 

 

He leaves me a message on my cell every day. But I can’t deal with that for the moment. Neglecting him is awful but I just don’t have the energy to untangle that web right now.

 

Michael-John and Samantha are willows too as all children are. The slightest breeze of influence bends their character in ways we can never have imagined. I wanted so much for them. For the innocence of childhood to remain unbroken. For them to wake up every day believing today would be the best day ever. I’ve fallen so far short of that.

 

 

 

There: I hear Jayce’s car in the driveway. So this is it. The moment I never wanted to face. Let me be a willow now so I can bend but not break. Everything depends upon that on this day I will remember for the rest of my life. The day when my life changes forever.