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Federal Election Advertising: Antidotes for the Bile and Venom Virus

July 31st, 2015 by Michael Dyet

Hmmm, who wins the “worst in show” prize for federal election advertising?

The  Canadian federal election is still a couple of months away. But I am already fed up with the radio and television advertising by the major parties. I may have to go cold turkey without any media until Election Day to preserve my already fragile sanity.

The Conservatives have been hammering away at Justin Trudeau for what seems like years. If I see or hear the resume commercial one more time, I may break down and run naked through the streets screaming “But he has such nice hair!”

Is it just me overreacting or have the Conservatives already shot themselves in the foot with their Jackknife Justin strategy? All they have really accomplished with their Trudeau fixation is convince us all of that they are scared to death of him and the legacy he carries with him.

I am well aware that Justin does not have enough experience to be Prime Minister. But if all the Conservatives can tell me is why I should not vote for Trudeau, why in heaven’s name would I vote for them? I cannot have much faith in a party whose election platform is “At least we’re better than the guy who says the budget will balance itself.”

The Liberals were slower out of the gate. But they are making up for lost time with what I can only assume is their Codename Robin Hood strategy: “Those profligate Conservatives keep taking from the poor and giving to the rich. For shame! For shame!”

It is the unrelenting negativity in political advertising that bothers me. We are up to our eyeballs in bad news in these challenging times. The last thing we need is commercial after commercial hurling more pessimism at us.

Fortunately, I have a few antidotes to curb the Bile and Venom Virus:

Mudslinging for Charity: Every time any of the political parties runs a mudslinging ad, they must put $1,000 into a trust account. Kind of like a swearing jar. The rapidly accumulating funds will be distributed amongst a list of reputable charities.

Scandals for Sandals: Every time a political party dredges up an old scandal from their opposing party, they must buy 100 pairs of sandals for needy children. (Let me switch my investments to a shoe company before we initiate this one.)

Ditch the Deficit Tax: Every negative radio or TV ad is taxed at a rate of 15% of what it cost to make and broadcast the ad. The funds collected go toward reducing the federal deficit. The deficit should be wiped out in about three weeks by my estimations.

And finally, a Smack a Party Leader Upside the Head Lottery: Every time one of the party leaders insults his or her opponent in any manner, a name is drawn in the lottery. The winner gets to give the offender a Leroy Jethro Gibbs slap to the back of the head.

You get to choose which one of these schemes is the most fitting metaphor for the sorry state of federal election advertising. The polls are now open.

But back to my original question. The “Worst in Show” award goes to the Conservatives. Justin may be riding on his famous father’s coattails. But the millions of public dollars being spent on discrediting him is the real shame.

~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of “Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel” – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

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