Hmmm, how can we grow old gracefully while resisting the unforgiving mistress and the great temptress?
My new Ontario health card with photo arrived today. My off-the-cuff reaction when I first saw it:
WTF? Who is that old guy? Great, they put somebody else’s photo on my card. Dumb asses!
Alas, it was the in-denial side of my brain that reacted first. The resigned-to-reality side of my brain piped up:
Um, that is you. You are kind of old. Yeah, they make you take your glasses which makes you look like someone else. But it really is you, Bud.
Somewhere around the age of 40, we start revising, on an ongoing basis, our self-assessment of what constitutes the threshold of old. It is a psychological defence mechanism we all possess. But eventually, no amount of denial can stave off what becomes self-evident.
So now, at the age of 57 rounding the corner on 58, I declare that I am… let’s say, in the stretch drive to old. I have a long ways to go before I become a senior citizen. There are a few places where 55 qualifies me for a senior’s discount. But I chose to decline that privilege for now.
How old we feel varies from day to day depending on a variety of factors. I have identified several coefficient equations that you may find helpful.
The Body Coefficient: The number of body parts that are cranky on any given day – divided by the amount of alcohol we have consumed (dosage varies person to person) – times the amount our waistline has increased since our last birthday.
The Weather Coefficient: The amount of sunlight on any given day (filtered by our prescription sunglasses) – divided by the amount the temperature is below 50 degrees or above 80 degrees – times the number of days until spring or before winter.
The Maple Leafs Coefficient: The number of years since the Leafs have been a contender –divided by Mike Babcock’s big ass salary – times the percentage likelihood that we will still give a damn when the Leafs finally break the curse. Admittedly, this one is region-specific.
The elephant in the room in our struggle to age gracefully is the fear that we did not make the most of our youth. Regret is a cruel and unforgiving mistress. We cannot turn back the clock. But we can, with a conscious effort, start appreciating the small pleasures of each day.
When all is said and done, today is all we really have. But every today has small pleasures. Tomorrow, the great temptress, may seem to promise a crowning glory. But what good is that to us if we do not make it there and we miss the small pleasures along the way?
~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of “Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel” – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.
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Tags: aging · coefficients · elephant in the room · growing old · metaphor · Michael Robert Dyet · Toronto Maple LeafsNo Comments