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Max, Lotto Max Professional Dream Coach, Gets Fluffyfied

November 22nd, 2019 by Michael Dyet

Hmmm, what would happen if Max, Lotto Max Professional Dream Coach, showed up at my door?

One of the downsides of being a writer is that my tolerance is low for lame efforts at creativity. These days, I am increasingly annoyed at the television and radio commercials that clog the airwaves. I often play a mind game where I put myself in the commercial and reimagine it the way I would like to see it go. Here is my retake of the Lotto Max commercial.

Knock on door. Door opens.

Michael:          Where’s my pizza, dude?

Max:                I’m not the pizza guy. I’m Max, Professional Dream Coach.

Michael:          That’s not a real job, dude.

Max:                Sure it is. I am one.

Michael:          Whatever scam you’re running, I’m not buying it, dude.

Max:                It’s not a scam. I’m here to bigify your dreams.

Michael:          Bigify is not a real word, dude.

Max:                Sure it is. It means “to make bigger”.

Michael:          Read my lips. Whatever scam you’re running, I’m not buying it, dude.

Max:                It’s not a scam. How would your Friday night change if you won Lotto Max?

Michael:          It’s Saturday, dude. And I don’t buy lottery tickets.

Max:                Why do you keep calling me “dude”?

Michael:          Trust me, dude. You don’t want to know the answer to that question.

Max:                Suppose you did buy a lottery ticket and won. What would you—

Michael:          You’re annoying me, dude. Go away.

Max:                Why can’t you just answer my question? What would you—

Michael:          You’re pissing me off, dude. Go away or I’ll sic my dog Fluffy on you.

Max:                Your dog Fluffy? He can be in your dream too. What would you—

Michael:          Fluffy, come!

Max:                That doesn’t look like a “Fluffy”.

Michael:          He’s a Rottweiler attack dog. You know that name I keep calling you.

Max:                Dude?  (Snarls, growls and barks)

Michael:          “Dude” is his trigger word to attack. (Snarls, growls and barks)

Max:                Ow! Ow! Ow! He’s biting my ass! Call him off! Call him off!

Michael:          Dream your way out of this situation, dude.

Max:                I’ll leave! Just call him off! Call him off! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Michael:          Bark when you’re done having fun, Fluffy.

Door closes.

Yes, I do have a twisted sense of humour at times. It is a necessary coping mechanism in this age of annoying advertising.

Max, Professional Dream Coach, gets me hot under the collar every time he flashes on my TV screen. But my metaphorical revenge is ever so sweet.

Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog.

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