Hmmm, have I waited too long to update my overtaxed, original issue brain?
I have arrived at the conclusion that my brain software is dangerously antiquated and in need of an emergency update. The neurons are still firing but the sequence does not match the new technology math of 2020.
My brain was educated and programmed in the era when electric typewriters were leading edge technology and telephones were squat, black boxes with rotary dials. There are days when I feel like a caveman transported forward in time as I try to navigate the do-it-yourself or die tryingonline applications that are an integral part of my job.
I have not yet mastered the proper use of laptop touchpads. At least once a day, I accidentally drag and drop a file into the wrong folder or drag and drop a folder into another folder without realizing it. My constant lament is: Where did that bleeping folder go?
I have an ongoing battle with my TV remote. The damn thing has at least 45 individual buttons of which I need only 5 and understand less than 10. At least once a week, I accidentally hit one of the 35 surplus buttons by accident. This leads to another repeated lament: Which g-damn button did I push when I accidentally sat on the remote?
I have figured out the Aspect Ratio button by trial and error. The other 34 remain a mystery to me on a par with Who built Stonehenge?
New and improved in technology terms makes me cringe. Version 7.2! I’m still trying to master Version 3.5! And no, I don’t want to be automatically updated to the 7.2. (Oh wait, 7.3 just became available.) I’m sticking with 3.5 until it self-destructs or they find Jimmy Hoffa’s body – whichever comes first.
My brain still prefers the finish one job before moving on to the next methodology. It grudgingly allows for a reasonable amount of multi-tasking, but goes into meltdown when there are more plates spinning than I can count in the High School French I barely remember.
All of the above are now daily occurrences. But the real grind-to-a-halt moment occurs when basic operating principles are unhinged. When faced with a new task, my brain wants to see the 2 + 2 = 4 equation behind it. It allows for some ambiguity – accepting that 2 + 2 = 5 when certain complex interactions are involved.
But I hit a wall when the equation is 2 + 2 = 7 because the new technology operates 2-1/2 times faster which makes it (theoretically) possible to do 9 hours of work in a 7 hour day which speeds up the rotation of the earth as it tries to keep up which in turn makes the impossible plausible and arguably possible in the new math of the digital age.
The reality is that my brain is still operating on Version 1.0 – the version I was born with 62 years ago. In metaphorical terms, that is the equivalent of the rotary dial, black box telephone that my brain still remembers with wistful nostalgia.
Alas, it is too late for a brain software update. There is just not enough random operating memory available in the 100 billion neurons that do not fire as reliably as they once did.
~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet
~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .
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Tags: brain · metaphor · Michael Robert Dyet · neurons · rotary dial telephone · softwareNo Comments