Hmmm, will anyone listen if I requisition some truly useful technology?
I often use this forum to express my displeasure with modern technology. But today I am changing things up with a wish list of technology I would endorse and even part with my hard earned money to acquire. So, all you developers, get working on these ideas pronto.
THE LOTTO MAX DREAM COACH FILTER
The technology exists to monitor my Internet viewing patterns and display ads for products that correspond to my interests. I see it at work every day. They ought to be able to reconfigure that technology to filter out television commercials that annoy me beyond measure.
A few examples: the Lotto Max dream coach guy, the Sportsnet life coach guy, the “we’ve made another big change at Burger King” guy, the Old Spice “Yes, that is my lavender scented deodorant” guy… I could go on, but you get the point.
PISS ME-OFF EMAIL BLOCKER
E-mail spam and virus filters are standard issue these days. I would like one of them to be customized to measure my blood pressure as e-mails come in, correlate that data to the sender and use an algorithm to block e-mails from people who particularly piss me off.
This does not apply to anyone reading this post (except for you – you know who you are!) or anyone who is higher on the company food chain than I am.
FOUND BETWEEN THE PIXELS APP
I am not a big app person. But I would be totally on board with an app that scours the web for money lost between the pixels and deposits that money in my bank account. The deposits would need to be done in small increments so as not to raise a red flag and, of course, be totally untraceable by authorities.
POLITICIAN BRAIN CELL BLASTER MICROCHIP
A simple concept: a microchip embedded into the brain of politicians that detects when they are about to make a promise they do not intend to keep, break a promise, tell a white lie, misrepresent statistics or deny and deflect blame for a mistake. This microchip would send an electrical impulse that fries the brain cells where that thought exists.
It is a given that this microchip would wear out quickly from overuse and need to be replaced annually. In addition, politicians with the microchip would not be able to serve more than two terms since they would not have enough brain cells left to continue in office.
I have heard it said that technology is a steam roller. You can either drive it or become part of the road. Give me the technology I have asked for and I will drive it until the cows come home!
~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet
~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .
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Tags: Lotto Max Dream Coach · metaphor · Michael Robert Dyet · Sportsnet Life Coach · steam roller · technologyNo Comments