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Election Campaigns: Michael’s 5 Rules of Engagement

October 16th, 2021 by Michael Dyet

Hmmm, can our collective psyche withstand another election campaign this soon?

I have not yet fully recovered my patience, and my tolerance for mudslinging, from the recent federal election that accomplished absolutely nothing. But to my chagrin, the shame and defame television ads for the next Ontario provincial election have already begun.

The provincial Conservatives are first out of the gate with their Steven Deluca is Kathleen Wynn reincarnated shot across the bow. There really ought to be a legislated cooling off period between elections to allow us to recover our sanity. But since that is not likely to happen, I am instituting my own Rules of Engagement for election campaigns.

RULE 1: No Jumping the Gun

No election advertising of any nature can begin until the election has been formally declared. No exceptions allowed. Any party that exploits what they believe is a loophole to this rule will start the election at a -5 position in terms of seats.

RULE 2: The Past is the Past

Any reference in any manner to a previous party leader and/or Prime Minister/Premier is expressly forbidden. Those individuals’ day of fame (or infamy) is past. Let them live in pace and spare us the retroactive slander.

RULE 3: TV Times Three Only

All parties are limited to a maximum of three, one-minute television advertisements per week. A minimum of two of these advertisements must be positive in nature – expressing what the party will do to make things better in the future rather than why the other party leaders are despicable beyond all reason and not to be trusted.

RULE 4: Leaders Debate Protocol

There will be only one Leaders Debate. All participants will be wired to an electrical generator. If a participant goes more than ten seconds over their allotted time to answer a question, or interrupts another participant’s answer, or ignores the question to reiterate their party elevator speech, or launches into an argument with another participant, they will receive an electrical shock that renders them mute for thirty seconds.

RULE 5: One Week Moratorium

A one week moratorium will be in effect on any form of campaigning in the week prior to the election to allow the public to sift through the mountain of rhetoric for grains of truth. During this week, the party leaders will be under a stay at home and keep your mouth shut order.

Modern election campaigns are for all intents and purposes a rhetorical war during which the public is held hostage against its will. We must flip the script and make the parties play by our rules or not play at all. Are you with me?

~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .

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