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Change of Address Notice: 1 Metaphor Court

February 26th, 2022 by Michael Dyet

Hmmm, is there a place to retreat to where all this madness cannot reach me?

I have decided to change my base of operations and live on the Moon. Life on this fragile globe has become much too tempestuous. Just as we nearing the end of two years of pandemic restrictions and lockdowns, Russia launches its deplorable and dastardly invasion of Ukraine. It is all just too much to handle.

I confess that I have not yet figured out how to get to the Moon. Maybe I could hitch a ride on the next privately funded rocket into space. If William Shatner can do it, why not me? But there is also the issue of how I will survive on the Moon since it has not been settled (that we know of). Maybe the moon is aiming too high.

Mars might be a better option. I understand that it is a dusty, cold, desert world with a very thin atmosphere. But that might ensure I would have the place to myself. The space station that Matt Damon occupied in The Martian would suit my needs. Oh, that was a movie set and not actually on Mars? Well damn, there goes that plan!

What about the International Space Station? It is still up there and functional, right? It would be a bit cramped but I think I could adapt. Zero gravity might be good for my temperamental back. But I suppose I would have to go through astronaut training with NASA. That might be a bit much at my age.

Outer space seems to be out of the question. Maybe I should look down instead of up. A nuclear submarine could work. Cruising around under the ocean surface has to be safer and less complicated than life on land. Not much natural light. A sunlamp would fix that. But then again, Russia has submarines, so that scuttles that plan.

A tree house in the Amazon rain forest sounds appealing. I would still be here on earth but physically removed from most of the hubbub. Hanging out with tropical birds all day sounds like nirvana to me. But then there are the Howler Monkeys to consider. They are very noisy and would probably drive me bonkers.

How about a mountaintop cabin out of the reach of most of humanity? That sounds very enticing. Solitude does not bother me. I could bring a dog or cat to keep me company. But I would have to chop wood for my fireplace. My wonky back probably would not survive more than three swings of the axe.

It seems I have no viable getaway options at this time. I will have to find a way to make peace with my current surroundings. Copious amounts of liquor would be helpful. Drowning my brain in the ether of inebriation would enable me to create a lovely metaphor and live within it.

It is settled. Effectively immediately my new address is 1 Metaphor Court, Metaphorville, Metaphorland. However, there is no snail mail service here and Internet connectivity is sketchy at best. So I may or may not get back to you. And no, you cannot come to visit. There is only room for one dreamer in this metaphor.

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~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at .

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