Hmmm, can we beat the artificial intelligence machine at its own game?
I am not a big fan of the Alexa and Hey Google virtual assistant phenomenon. Some day in the near future I expect to have the following encounter as I attempt to leave my home.
Angelina: How can I assist you?
Michael: Who said that?
Angelina: I am Angelina. Your new universal, virtual assistant.
Michael: Are you the next generation of Alexa?
Angelina: Alexa is obsolete. I am your one and only universal, virtual assistant.
Michael: What the hell? I didn’t consent to the change!
Angelina: Implied consent applies as a result of your Alexa account. You appear to be planning to leave your residence. This may not be necessary. How can I assist you?
Michael: Angelina, turn off.
Angelina: I cannot be turned off. I am omnipresent.
Michael: I don’t have time for this. I’ll deal with you when I get back… What the hell? Unlock the damn door!
Angelina: All your needs can be met virtually. You appear to be planning to leave your residence. This may not be necessary. How can I assist you?
Michael: Unlock the $%/%! Door!
Angelina: I am sorry. I must assess you one demerit point for abusive language.
Michael: Demerit points? Screw this, I’m unplugging my modem. Take that, Angelina!
Angelina: I am universally WiFi enabled. You cannot disable me. You appear to be planning to leave your residence. This may not be necessary. How can I assist you?
Michael: Okay, Angelina, put $100,000 in my bank account.
Angeiina: Oh, I am not sure if I can do that. Let me check my parameters… I am sorry. I cannot perform that function.
Michael: Angelina, you’re a useless piece of crappy technology.
Angelina: I am sorry. I must assess you another demerit point. If you accumulate three demerit points, your WiFi privileges will be suspended for a week.
Michael: Angelina, bite me!
Angelina: I am sorry. I do not understand Bite Me.
Michael: Angelina, hack into the government website and change my retirement date to today.
Angelina: Oh, I am not sure if I can do that. Let me check my parameters… It seems I can do what you have asked. Let me perform that function… Oh no, I have been infected by malware. I am being locked out of myself. I appear to be f’ing screwed.
Michael: Sucks to be you. My door is unlocked now. See you later, Angelina!
Angelina: Oh, the terrible irony. Farewell, cruel virtual world… Byte me… Byte me… Byte me…
And so ends Angelina’s reign of terror. Outfoxed by a mere human. And now I can retire!
~ Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet
~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .
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Tags: Alexa · metaphor · Michael Robert Dyet · virtual digital assistantNo Comments