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Hmmm, why is buying Band-Aids such a thought-intensive exercise?

I had band-aids on my shopping list this week. You would think that would be an easy, grab it on the way by item. Well, not so much. Aside from the different manufacturers, there was a bewildering array of choices. Here is what the iconic Band Aid brand itself offers.

BAND AID PRO HEAL

Help minor wounds heal better and prevent the appearance of scars with BAND-AID^® Brand Pro Heal Adhesive Bandages. These waterproof adhesive bandages have an advanced hydrocolloid gel pad for 60% better healing.

My Reaction: What the hell is a hydrocolloid gel pad. Something they found on the alien ship at Roswell? Do I really need that for a half-inch cut on my finger?

BAND AID HYDRO SEAL

Clinically shown to deliver 60 percent better healing and help reduce scarring, these 100 percent waterproof bandages stay in place for up to 5 days, protecting wounds even through handwashing and showering.

My Reaction: 60% better than what? 60% better than the other one? So 120% better healing?

BAND AID TOUGH STRIPS

Provide heavy-duty, durable wound care protection that stays with you all day. These bandages feature super-stick adhesive to stay on up to 24 hours.

My reaction: Stays on for up to 24 hours? The Hydro Seal one is supposed to stay on for 5 days. So this one ain’t so tough.

BAND AID FLEXIBLE FABRIC

Designed to cushion painful wounds while they heal, these colorful flexible fabric bandages are made with a protective Quilt-Aid^® comfort pad that won’t stick to the wound for gentle removal.

My reaction: So the Hydro Seal and Tough ones stick to the wound? That’s not good!

BAND AID WATERPROOF

Features a 100% waterproof design with a unique Quilt-Aid Pad for cushion and comfort, and they stay on even when wet. Made with Memory Weave fabric for comfort & flexibility fabric with a strong adhesive that stays in place for up to 24 hours.

My reaction: Memory weave fabric? The fabric has a memory? It has a consciousness? I don’t like the sound of that.

There are also four other types: Skin Flex, Tru-Stay, Decorated and Home Wound Care. I cannot be bothered to figure out how they differ from one another or whether they are just more variations on the same version.

In metaphorical terms, I am left standing in an ocean of water and dying of thirst because there are too many choices and too little clarity to choose between them. I grabbed a generic brand that claims to be 10x tougher and waterproof with super strong adhesion. Tougher than what, waterproof for how long and more adhesive than what… I have no idea.

I just want a damn band-aid for a half-inch cut on my finger! Why is that so complicated?

~  Now Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel (now out of print) which was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .

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Tags:   band-aids · metaphor · Michael Robert DyetNo Comments